Laff Joint With Uti Essien: WhatsappWahala-1

Laff Joint With Uti Essien: WhatsappWahala-1

My pot is on the fire, but, let’s gist…

I don’t know if it’s just me or there’s anyone here who also feels there’s something crafty and untrustworthy of any guy who turns off his “Read Receipts” notification ”  and/or “Last Seen” on Whatsapp.

To me, why are you afraid of me knowing? that you have read my message(s)? Oh! So you want to ignore me comfortably right? Because on a normal day I will notice the indicator has turned blue and ask why you are yet to respond to my messages…probably after ages of waiting (which ranges from 2 to 5 minutes only. Yellsssss, man die body quake! Lol).

And “Last Seen,”  if I don’t know what you are up to or where you are, at least brother, grant me the honour of knowing what time you finally waltzed out of Whatsapp, so we can have a little tètè a tètè on what kept your feet there while I left (often times, not by my will but after you must have instructed I should go to sleep with your resounding “goodnight dear, let’s sleep. Lol). It’s my right to know this o, so don’t even look at me as if I’m nagging just because I dragged the matter for only two days, just two days out of seven days in a week o. Even when I raise it again after months, so? I don’t nag, I dialogue. Yea. It’s in the constitution that I should be allowed to express myself freely so give me a break. Lol

On the other hand, that last seen ehn, I cherish it o. Yelz! So when next you come humming into my ears that “I am the only cockroach in your cupboard,” I’ll have backup evidence to ask you “REALLY?” Because the last time I checked,  you spend hours unending online and we were not even talking so ekskissss me bro, check your cupboard again, I bet there are also bugs, grains of rice, used seasoning papers, pepper seeds, rubber spoons, rubber plate covers, even limestone sef inside your dear cupboard. Hahahaha.
After all, evidence gives credence to cases in the court of law so don’t come and tell me that is not needed in judging your faithfulness jor…

Oh Lord, my ogbono soup is going up in flames like Elijah oooo!!!!!!!  Oh my fish!!

Later later later abeg!

Jumps up, searches for torchlight, rushes outside.


#To be continued…


(Uti Essien is an OAP on Harvest FM-Makurdi, Compèré, Communication Expert, and a Creative Writer with focus on Humour and Poetry)


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